Ah, Ironclad, old friend. One of these days, you will see the error your ways and realize that the only way to see the world is from the back of a horse. None of this powder monkey business.
And, remember which branch of the service Admiral Dahlgren's son Ulric chose......
If you want to have some fun, jine the cav'ry.....
Arrrrrr!! Eric laddie! Tis yer ole(Union) gunboat commander comes to ya with forage cap in hand to appeal to yer better senses thet the ways of the mounted Nag trooper tis wayward reckless and at best full of abandonment
Ah appeals to ye tuh at leasts consider a stint aboards a highly disciplined iron-fisted most well run gunboat equipt with the finest o' Dahlgrens rifled parrots and deck howitzers Ah kin gurantees ya a highly charged life of a sea soaked( Union) tar
The seaman's life is full of adventure wind in yer face the arid smell of coal dust an smoke in yer land locked nostrils with a warm jug of Naval spirit to see ya through a cold nite above decks.
Come with the clad and become part of a solid God Fearing Ironplated flotilla come from a life of cruddy horse poop dried on yer cavalier boots long days a sitted on a ornery beast swattin at flies and smellin mud caked wool come to a life aboard a fully ironplated clad with built in stoves and a place to sleep in a comfortable cotton hammock(why..ye kin do yer laundry right over the railing even!) instead o' sleepin on a wet bug ridden patch o' ground that at any moment could become a hell hole of sniper fire cannon shot and masses of infantry attemptin to overrun yer pitiful position while fighting with bent sabre and gunpowder jammed carbine(sharps)
Git awy from them long butt bustin rides through enemy lines while on yer last coffee bean and short on hardtack at best The Clad kin provides ample Naval grubb fits fer even a Admiral most of our on-board fare is from captured Secesh BLOCKADE runners haaar harr har har har. (jus ask ole GUNRUNNER 'bout dat!)
Why go on hard bitten raids and face the possibility o'captures when ye kin sit inna deck chair with a cusion even! whilst giving firing tables to yer deck gunners for rebel river batteries
Be part o' true history with captures of entire reb river ports and spends times with the local belles and wine ..if ya knows what ah means... wink wink remember we did captures NEW ORLEANS ohh la la the frenchy girls indeed!!!
So anyways why do ya wanna spend time ridin about with a bunch o' flea infected unwashed ruffin lookin nag troops when ye kin sit about me decks smoke a ci-gar takin the surrenders of yon rebel river towns arrr tis booty for us all!! If interested I kin 'spect ya down at the docks with yer seabag in hand and the ole clad will have ya a well oiled cutlass and seatrunk at your pleasure
Haaar go webfoot......... go Union Navy!!! See ya topside me lad!!!.......Remember, horsemeat is excellent with hotsauce!!!